When Brittle, We Break
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Ice has settled over my neck of the woods. Below freezing temperatures and a thick layer of once-freezing-rain leave the grass brittle. Brushing a boot across our small patch of lawn effectively mows it. I shake my head in wonder.
Grass is supple, flexible, and strong. It withstands almost every hardship and invades the space I protect for vegetables and fruits. It’s hardy stuff — until it’s frozen. As Seda shovels the walk, root structures sent deep between the cracks give way. Years of growth are up-ended into the light, vulnerable, compromised in the chill.
Don’t we sometimes do the same? Fight, flight, fawn, or freeze … survival mode can make us more brittle than we’d think. I have been working long hours lately as I update the Core Alignment with Joy series. I feel myself becoming brittle. I am grateful to feel. I set the alarm clock a little later, eat good food, fit in the meditation. I know the repercussions of going frozen, of snapping in body, mind, or spirit.
The line to cross is sometimes closer than we’d think. I imagine that when we cross it in tiny ways, over and over, we desensitize ourselves to the awareness of a problem. Today, I am shocked to discover that someone I had a crush on in high school has been arrested for the murder of his girlfriend. Looking through his mounting criminal history, I wonder … did he do it? Did he cross the line over and over, then one day snap? Did that beautiful, bright and shiny boy I adored become numb to consequences, to the moral compass of his own feelings?
As I write this, I’m aware that I haven’t yet fit in my meditation today. I’m going to do it now. This is my point of empowerment, in a state of confusion and concern. I learn from the grass to avoid being frozen at all costs. I commit myself to being awakened by my emotions and to directing my attention towards wellness.
May we be moved by compassion to care for ourselves better, thaw gently, and bring warmth to the world.