What’s in a Win?

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Trin and I after our second wrestling match in a row

Our boys heading to Alaska to start their own business seems like a “win.” But for me, the real win is not in the accomplishment. It’s in the safety net.

Businesses sometimes grow and sometimes fail. Kids go to school and at times, drop out. Marriages come and often go. Accidents happen, disasters occur, and sometimes we do things we regret. At the end of the day, it’s the relationships we come home to that matter. Our commitment to loving one another and making it work no matter what. That’s the win.

I love my kids not for their accomplishments but for the heart-tug of finding beauty in them, regardless of circumstances. The stretch in me as I open my heart … that’s the win. And that love-yoga is often mutual. I love my kids for playing with me, dancing with me, for being quiet while I work and noisy when it brings them joy. I love the trail of our shared history, stretching back over 20 years to cloth diapers and haircuts on the run. I love the quiet moments we share by phone on the road when we are out of things to say but don’t want to say goodbye.

Any one of us could slip and fall. Both Seda and I come from families where a lack of mental health sometimes led to harm. Showing up for each other has not always been easy, but we have made it a practice, and I thank Love for that. I do not often take peace and ease for granted.

I had hoped my kids would grow up to be connected with themselves and others. This achievement is a win. But the biggest win for me is knowing that my heart is open to them no matter what. That will be tested. When it is, I may falter, I may fall, but I am determined to get up and love again. I practice it every day. That’s the safety net. And I cast it out as much for me as for those boys.

What are the safety nets you set beneath others, and which ones do you count on the most?