The Sweetest Holidays
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The gift that was Stollen
It’s December, and there are so many opportunities to celebrate. I love to prepare and gather seasonal specialties with friends and family. On Sunday, Julie and Camée brought us a basket full of teas, coffees, and a loaf of Stollen from Hideaway Bakery. I love Stollen with all natural colors and flavors, baked in a wood-fired oven. When I toast it lightly, spread a bit of butter, and settle by the fire to eat it with a cup of black tea … transcendent.
I am discarding a piece of internal conflict this holiday season. Part of me has been reluctant to embrace Christmas in the past couple of decades. I’m largely German, and as an American of mostly European descent, Christmas recalls both Christianity and colonialism. I don’t celebrate Christmas as a Christian, and colonialism smells of commercialism, scarcity mentality, the pillage of the Earth and her creatures, and social structures that leave families hungry over the holidays. Ouch.
Growing up, I was acutely aware of my mother’s shame the year she gifted me new shoes and little else when she could scarcely keep food on the table. I wished it had been easier for her. As a young parent, I felt unashamed about clothes being the primary gift for my kids at Christmas. Living on the edge of the poverty line felt different for me, because I had more resources than my mother had had, a college degree for one. We’d chosen to make one income stretch to prioritize homeschooling. Choice is everything.
Mom and I both loved Christmas, albeit with some complicated feelings. I know we are not alone. This year, it struck me that while I love the natural holiday of Solstice, I can finally appreciate Christmas, too, with a happier heart. For countless generations, my family has celebrated Christmas with food and fun. Even if I am not a Christian, I can gather candles, friends, family, and Stollen near to connect with my ancestors and present community. Today, I feel more at ease than ever about aligning with what I find joyful in this holiday. I’m ready to take what I love and leave the rest. I’m ready to make it my own.
And so I wish you a happy holiday … if you celebrate, whatever you celebrate, by decision or tradition. As one card I received said, “Happy Everything!” May you find comfort, joy, and love in all you do this December.