Getting Behind One Feeling After Another

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Sam, me, and Trinidad on our recent adventure mushrooming

“Shall we give to the Native American Heritage Association, Seda?” I asked. “They serve tribes in South Dakota, close to the land where you grew up and your family still ‘owns’ property.”

“Yes! Let’s do that,” said Seda.

“Why the airquotes, Mom? Do you not ‘own’ this property?” asked Trin. A deep discussion on ownership, legalities, and the rights of Native Peoples followed. I am grateful that my 22 year old son has sniffed out what he’s perceived as hypocrisy (anything out of alignment) since age 4.

I want to own and appreciate here that mixed feelings happen. Today, we will not formally celebrate Thanksgiving, but will instead launch a fundraiser for Indigenous Peoples. I have heard them chant that there is no thanks and there is no giving in this holiday. Our family will enjoy playing football today and sharing Chinese takeout with a dear friend. We are thankful as always. And this morning, I am particularly thankful for you, dear reader.

As for conflicted feelings, I intend to experience them one after another as much as possible, rather than all at the same time. This is how I understand computers function on the binaries of 0 and 1. When I’m happy to own my home, I gratefully celebrate our relationship with it, wholly. When acknowledging it’s not mine to own, I find my point of power and give to the Kalapuya and/or other Indigenous peoples, respecting their rights. I honor that this is Oak Savannah land and bow to all beings who make it so.

Where in your life do you have mixed feelings, and how do you channel joy, satisfaction, and/or empowerment into each without diminishing the other?